Word: sombreroes
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...showroom of tack, all the kitsch of America distilled into 100 acres by the side of 1-95. There are 304 motel units, 103 campsites, four restaurants, three gas stations, 17 stores, miniature golf, a train ride through the woods, not to mention a 200-foot observation sombrero, all based on a Mexican theme filtered through several layers of bias, ignorance and Hanna-Barbera. As the brochure says, "Ees onlee wan South of the Border, Amigos, where Pedro has put eet all together to make ze mos' excite vacation stop between La Canada and Key West! Ees leetle Mexico...
...Border." "We started with the billboards in the 1950's" Jim Holliday, general manager, says. "Hey, Amigos--Ees Cool at Air-Condeetioned South of the Border." "The sign laws have gotten a lot more restrictive since, but we still have our leases," Holliday adds. He points to the observation sombrero, where visitors pay 50 cents to ride 165 feet to the brim and look out over the highway. "To us it's just a big billboard. We needed some southbound exposure off the interstate...
...going to visit every shop, eat at every restaurant, see every sight South of the Border had to offer. At the Hot Tamale Restaurant ("zee mos" beeyotee fool fast-food Restaurant een ze South"), a hot tamale. At EI Toro Steak Room, a steak, at the EI Sombrero Room ("weeth a thousand sombreros on ceiling), some fried chicken...
From atop the Sombrero observation tower, I put a quarter in the telescope and then realized there was nothing much to see except the lady making change in the Mexico Shop West. (The brim of the sombrero blocked all view of the Mexico Shop East.) In the Coffee Casa, I met a young coal miner on his way south to a Florida vacation. We talk about the coal strike, we talk about EI Salvador, he buys me coffee, I buy him beer, we agree the country would be in better shape were he and I in-charge...
...wander the streets and reflect. Amigoland is absolutely deserted, the Mini-Mex golf course dark as night. So this is America, very imaginative, very progressive, and very wealthy. A little grease and pavement, but there's the sweet smell of exhaust in the air and fun all around. Sombrero towers; steak rooms; fireworks; mini gold; barrooms; postcards; ice cream; swimming pools. I feel at home here, comfortable...