Word: speer
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...entire book has a cold, almost numb quality. Speer writes in a detached, lifeless fashion, as in his observation on coping with prison: "In the past I would have said that I would rather die than live under certain conditions. Now I not only live under these conditions, but am sometimes happy. The concept of 'a live worth living' surely is elastic." If Speer has any deep loves or even small passions, he never mentions them. His references to his wife are typical of his general outlook. He seldom mentions her at all--usually only when she visits him. Oddly...
...only exception is Hitler. Speer's thoughts turn time after time to his Fuehrer; he even dreams about Hitler, years after the end of the war. But he has few new insights into Hitler's character. In 1960, he arrives at the conclusion that "hatred of the Jews was Hitler's central conviction. The man I served was not a well-meaning tribune of the masses, not the rebuilder of German grandeur, and also not the failed conqueror of a vast European empire, but a pathological hater." Other observations are more original and interesting, such as his discussion of Hitler...
Even after years of contemplating Hitler's atrocities, Speer exhibits no genuine revulsion. His few denunciations of Hitler are either rhetorical or trivial. He never resolves the secret of his attraction to Hitler. Such attempts at explanation as "I regarded Hitler above all as the preserver of the world of the nineteenth century" are hardly adequate...
...particularly puzzling feature of Speer's experience in prison is his religious evolution. He attended church service every Sunday, read theology, and talked occasionally with the chaplain. On reading the remark, "It is a precious thing to be patient and to hope for the help of the Lord," Speer observes somewhat scornfully, "Silly, to take any stock in that." But he seldoms mentions religious matters, much less his own spirituality. Then suddenly, in 1962, he writes simply, "I believe in a divine providence; I also believe in God's wisdom and goodness; I trust in his ways." What brought about...
...fact, it is clear that Speer is not a believer, in either God or much of anything. In metaphysics as in religion, he is fundamentally an agnostic. Though he decries the lack of morality in Nazi Germany, Speer can offer no alternative. He writes in 1952, "Much too late I am beginning to grasp that there is only one valid kind of loyalty: toward morality," but the remark has an empty ring because Speer has no moral system, still less an allegiance to one. If he ever tried to confront the problems of moral philosophy or religious faith...