Word: springers
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What do mail order junkies, balding men with obscure sexual fantasies, and red-lipped, black-eyed, gothic teens all have in common? No, you did not see them featured on Jerry Springer's most random episode, but chances are, if you live in the quaint little town of Mumford, you may have caught them spilling their guts in the office to the oh-so-popular psychologist Dr. Mumford. Yes, that's Dr. Mumford living in Mumford. And if you have eight dollars and two hours to waste, I invite you to indulge in several other, much more ridiculous, aspects...
...Sure, Springer embarrassed himself when he got caught going to a massage parlor because he paid in checks instead of cash. But he rebounded from that, and as a Senator, you can rest assured, he will not only have left his scandals behind him, he will also keep accurate financial records...
Basically, the big advantage to electing Springer is that if Jay Leno asks you who your Senator is, you might know. And I'd rather risk having an ineffective Senator than being embarrassed on national television...
...watch Springer's show because he treats the twisted, painful drama of people's lives with an odd respect, and because there are often strippers on. Sure, his circus is silly and entertaining, but without the laughter it would be liberal patronization. This is what makes people respond to him. He already has, for example, the pregnant-stripper constituency wrapped up. And he will continue to build on that base, according to his friend Tim Burke, the Hamilton County Democratic chairman who is pressing Springer to run. "Jerry has always had a Kennedyesque stump style," says Burke. "I think...
...while other politicians argue about campaign-finance reform (Can you really have an election about the election?), Springer will focus on helping troubled people like those on his show. Compassionate conservatism? Practical idealism? I'm sticking with "Take Care of Yourself, and Each Other...