Word: squirrel
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According to early returns, the U.S. was certain to have a hard winter. There was some corroborating data from the amateurs. Connecticut prognosticators said the stripes on caterpillars had been extremely long last summer-a sure sign of a tough winter ahead. Southern hunters announced that squirrel fur was the thickest in years. But more fastidious prophets refused to talk until mid-November, which is the best time for studying chicken bones and sweet-corn tassels. Dark bones and dark tassels mean a cold winter coming...
Next to John Harvard, nature's greatest heritage to the Yard is the squirrel. Everyone loves the healthy, frolicking animals except a callous few who wantonly litter the steps of Widener, Sever, and Emerson with countless cigarette butts where uneducated squirrels are liable to find and sample the "filthy weed." Already small, Harvard squirrels are becoming alarmingly stunted as a result of this carelessness, and grey-haired mothers are frantic over the sudden shrinkage in squirrel stature. In response to a Crimson survey, one mother waspishly noted that the Yard was beginning to look like a trash heap and that...
Although a large force of men are employed each night to sweep up the cigarettes, the Yard presents a tempting nicotine dump for the greater part of the day. To squelch ugly rumors that elder squirrels are about to report this condition to the A.S.P.C.A. and the Sanitation Department, we must begin a campaign to eliminate the cigarette from squirrel culture. Several plainly marked, strategically placed butt cans and a conscientious effort on the part of the student body to keep their cigarettes off the ground would save the squirrel from the fate of the buffalo...
...books, the most distinctive feature of the Grolier Book Shoppe is its well-worn sofa. Apparently an ordinary piece of furniture, it has been warmed by the posteriors of the most erudite inmates of the ivy-covered squirrel-cage. This indeterminable-hued divan has sustained the weight of the wearer of the blackest, thickest-rimmed glasses among Cambridge cognoscenti. It has also supported innumerable bodies beneath as many heads holding rimless spectacles, prime among these being Cairnie himself. For sitting comfort, the Grolier ottoman is approached only by the bootblack stand at Felix's Shoe Shine Spa, and there...
...spurious theory, still popular unfortunately, tries to explain that hideous penchant of ours for collecting things as nothing but a legitimate inheritance from some of our more squirrel-like ancestors. The bare truth of the matter is that collecting is a form of escapism. It affords the harried citizens of the modern rational world an opportunity to give way occasionally to outbursts of insanity without incurring any considerable danger of losing face...