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...25th marks the 31st anniversary of the movie megalith Star Wars. In three decades the franchise has spawned more than just massive revenues and legions of fans - it has also inspired a religion. Jediism, based on the teachings of the films, counts thousands of members worldwide...
...letters to Lucas. First, there's the issue of whether to address the director as "Mr. Lucas" or "George." Writers who choose informality seem more likely to harbor the delusion that Lucas will actually read their letters. Then the writer must begin by describing the first time he saw Star Wars ("I was the first kid on my block to see it," "I saw it in utero," etc.). Often the writer's origin story segues into a tragedy of childhood abuse, in which his mint collection of figurines and plastic light sabers is wantonly disposed of by a female relative...
...Some of the letters are thoughtful analyses of political subtext, like the one by a Polish fan who saw the Death Star as a metaphor for the Soviet Union. Others contain casting advice, such as the suggestion that Kirsten Dunst replace both child actor Jake Lloyd, as young Anakin Skywalker, and Natalie Portman, as Padme Amidala, in the prequel films. "I know this is possible," says a writer named Duke, "since Jean-Claude Van Damme has done it. lf Van Damme can do it, Mr. Lucas, then Kirsten can, and much, much better...
...first Star Wars movie I saw was The Empire Strikes Back, and it rocked my kindergarten brain. At one point I had a modest collection of figurines, which mysteriously disappeared in the Trail of Tears Winters Sibling Room Swap...
...that we've established my bona fides, let's get to you, George. For the third act of your career, you're gonna need some Jedi managerial advice. You came up with Star Wars and Indiana Jones in the '70s. You invented all kinds of super-cool technology that revolutionized moviemaking. And now it's time to use the force of your experience and nearly $4 billion net worth to leave Obi-Wan and Dr. Jones behind and tell a story you thought of after the Carter Administration. I know...