Word: stashing
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...Angela, a publicist in Ohio, has been happily married for 20 years, yet she continues to feel the need for a secret stash of cash. "I always want to have a little on the side just in case I have to pick up in the middle of the night," she confesses. "You never know what's around the next corner." By pocketing a portion of the money that's budgeted for her lunches at work and keeping her gas-mileage reimbursement checks--"the money my husband never sees"--Angela (who, for obvious reasons, prefers not to be identified...
...mouse game, albeit an updated version. No one knows how many wives hide money from their husbands, but there is evidence that the practice is widespread. A survey of 1,000 professional women conducted by working woman magazine in 1995 found that 13% of those interviewed had a secret stash. Women who have been divorced may be more likely to keep hidden funds: 1 in 4 women surveyed in 1999 by the Stepfamily Association of America, 71% of whom were married for the second time, said they kept some money aside. Author Heidi Evans estimates that millions of wives hide...
...other women, the secret funds are simply a way to acquire some financial independence. Jennifer, 40, started her stash several years ago, when she ran a home-based business and got tired of her husband's nosing around in her books. "Every time I turned around, he'd ask me which bills I had paid and how much was in my bank account," she complains. "It was aggravating." So with a few computer keystrokes, Jennifer altered the entries in her Quicken accounting program, derailing her husband's ability to keep track of her income...
...cashes her child-care reimbursement checks and stores her loot in a secret location in her bedroom. She spends the money on clothes for work and toys for the kids. "It's not like I waste it," she says. "It's just kind of nice to have your own stash and know you don't have to answer...
...course, if an unsuspecting spouse discovers a large stash, it can undermine the trust in a marriage. Psychologists point to another danger: stashes that are used to avoid conflict. "Money is such a loaded issue, many couples don't have the communication skills to talk about it," says Ellyn Bader, co-founder of the Couples Institute in Menlo Park, Calif. But if you never engage your husband in frank discussions about the budget, you may drift further apart, she warns. "I see lots of premature divorces among couples who keep things so toned down that eventually the relationship feels empty...