Word: steinfuls
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...Joel Stein...
...always believed I was special, thanks to both Mr. Rogers and my own giant ego. Sure, I knew there were other Joel Steins in the world, but I figured none of them were desperately trying to vie for the public's attention by revealing personal details in rhymed couplets. So when a friend told me that a singer-songwriter named Joel Stein has the website joelstein.com I experienced a profound identity crisis. An identity crisis in that I wanted to make sure I had a better girlfriend, a more successful career and a significantly better middle name...
...turned out that visiting joelstein.com was like looking deep into my own soul, which, of course, I enjoyed tremendously. Like me, this Joel Stein was 28, went to college and, even freakier, was also Jewish. His self-description made us seem as one: "It often seems like he's playing for friends in his living room, letting them into his personal visions, sharing jokes and inviting them into his dreams." He boasts of having "Dylan's characterizations, Bowie's surreal sexiness, Woody Guthrie's social criticisms, Paul Simon's intelligent humor and James Brown's down-and-dirty funk." Bowie...
...into her room/and catches the dust in flight/and gently warms the mattress/ that Katie's resting on./Carefully she puts down her viola/next to the kitten on her lap/and when she wants to say its name/she remembers it has none./Uh-huh." I cried a cry that only one Joel Stein can cry for the unnamed cat of another Joel Stein...
...through my tears I realized that I'd be a fool to cede my identity on the world's most powerful medium. So I called The Singing Joel Stein to tell him "this means war/so don't let your kitten out the door." Despite my intimidation tactics, he said he wasn't willing to give up the domain name. "You could probably get joelstein.net, he offered, like some sleazy real estate agent trying to sell me a beach house 10 blocks from the ocean. This was shaping up as the greatest fight for personal identity since Senator Paul Simon showed...