Word: straightener
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...woman cadet works busily in her quarters, stopping to straighten her already drum-tight bunk. The door is open, not because a male cadet is visiting but because dozens of cadets keep filing back and forth from the corridor outside ... The woman is a top member of the cadet Brigade. A formation of her company is just now waiting for her outside the building. 'Hey, Mom, it's time,' calls one of the male cadets ... It's an affectionate nickname, a mark of respect for her record, which brought her a cadet promotion. Like many of the women at West...
...women’s breasts, stacks and stacks of business cards, and cardboard boxes full of promotional Shamrock t-shirts overflow onto couches and haphazard bookshelves. Attached to the office is the lounge, with a TV, couches, and most importantly, a vanity table and mirror where the women straighten their hair, pop pimples, and reapply heavy eyeliner. One stripper darts outside to ask John—Johnny to her—for batteries for her vibrator...
...over how the news of the Pope's death would get out to the world. Would it be leaked ahead of time? Would there be a false scoop that would set off flurries of speculation? Would the Vatican keep the news secret for hours or days until it could straighten out the situation inside the Curia? The Rome bureau chiefs of news wire agencies and television stations lost sleep for fear of missing the historic news flash. Instead, Navarro's simultaneous email to the major news agencies at the same time that Archbishop Leonardo Sandri announced the news...
MEANWHILE IN GERMANY ... Pink Penguins Officials at Bremerhaven Zoo have abandoned plans to straighten out six apparently gay Humboldt penguins so that they might breed. Zoo officials tried to tempt the birds to forsake their male partners by introducing four females to the group. The move sparked an outcry from gay rights groups and, anyway, the zoo says, the boy birds showed no interest in the girls. But aren't females in tuxedos known for their sexually ambiguous allure...
...meantime, the FDA keeps plugging along. It's a small agency with a fine old tradition dwarfed in both budget and political power by the pharmaceutical giants it is being asked to police. It's going to take more than a three-day hearing to straighten that out. --Reported by Perry Bacon Jr. and Mark Thompson/Washington and Alice Park/New York