Word: suck
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This also isn't a trash-the-band column (although I might write one when the band starts the "goalie sieve-funnel-vacuum-black hole-you just suck" chant in the middle of a close hockey game...
...perhaps it would be better if The Crimson greeted the freshmen. "What? You're in Matthews? That dorm sucks. The Union sucks. Expos sucks. Cores suck. The long lines at the Science Center suck. Don't try out for that play, the director sucks. Don't run for the Undergraduate Council because they suck. Don't go to football games because we suck. Harvard sucks...
...girl's undergo hilarious initiation rituals. In one scene, in the middle of a parking lot, the junior high girls lay on the asphalt while the seniors douse them with mustard, ketchup and flour. They have to mockingly propose to some of the geeky senior men and suck on pacifiers while they're being tortured. With lines like "fry like bacon you freshman piggies," "since you little prick-teases can't follow instructions..." and the command of "AIR RAID!!!!!" the film's hilarity will become a part of your everyday conversation. I guess that's the biggest compliment...
...Sweethearts Together" plays just as trite as it sounds and doesn't merit much mention. "Suck on the Jugular," however, could be the joint project with Parliament-Funkadelic that never was. The song showcases underwater organ sounds and semi-soulful background vocals (Ivan Neville has a hand in both). These elements bear more than a passing resemblance to those employed by Primal Scream--with George Clinton of P-Funk fame--in "Funky Jam" on their latest album, "Give Out But Don't Give...
...Stairs suck. I live on the fifth floor, and have no elevator. I didn't come for the exercise...