Word: swab
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There is an industry in this country so powerful that no one--not politicians, not journalists, not even rap artists--has had the cojones to stand up to it. I'm referring of course, to the cotton-swab industry, an industry that pumps millions into the American economy, and if my journalistic instincts are correct, possibly even more into the pockets of our Senators, publishers and rappers...
...eardrum injury as a result of cleaning their ears with Q-Tips. Countless others came down with cases of tinnitus. And God only knows how many retrieved stuff that really grossed them out. We will never know the real numbers because the FDA no longer requires manufacturers to report swab malfunctions. Where is the outrage? Well, I am not afraid to speak out. And if that means losing my job, then I only hope Ben Affleck plays me in The Insider 2: The Middle Ear. He's a hottie...
...Swab in hand, FM presents a small sampling of Harvard under the microscope...
...Swab #2 was the reason why almost all of us are here today--John Harvard's lucky foot. Every pre-frosh, tourist and passerby unaware of J.H.'s double-duty as a piss-post has rubbed this blessed appendage...
...than 360,000 gene prints are online--though police do promise that such profiles will be scrubbed from the record if the person is cleared. English officials investigating a crime in a small town sometimes perform mass screenings in which thousands of people are asked to surrender a mouth swab full of DNA. The law gives anyone the right to decline, but as residents of Lawrence, Mass., are learning, no law can prevent the slit-eyed look police give a person who actually chooses to exercise that right. "There is no such thing as a technology like this without...