Word: talking
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...interesting that you use that word. It seems like there is a ritual, in a sense, to the way conversations play out. You identify stages that conversations go through. When people meet each other for the first or second time, there is a sort of architecture in their talk. People are tentative at first. There's a certain kind of greeting formula that takes place as things develop. People become aware of things in common. Sometimes it's meaningless, like they both spent a week in the Ukraine, or neither of them has ever seen a football game...
According to your book, you don't consider what we're doing here - a phone interview - to be an actual conversation. Why is that? What makes a conversation a conversation? What we do when we sit down and talk, I think, is very ancient and essential. And that's why I restrict my definition of conversation to in-person exchanges. Obviously, what we're doing right now is a conversation, but it's of a certain kind. You don't get to see what I look like or what my body language is or what my facial expressions...
...working in New York, I had a friend who convinced me that the best way to become a better conversationalist was to spend a lot of time in bars. Part of the rationale was that other than drinking or maybe playing pool, all you do at a bar is talk to people, many of whom you don't actually know. Is this a valid strategy? The problem is, it depends on what kind of person you are. If you like that kind of slightly alcohol-fueled intimacy or quick sharing, it's fine. But if you're a little standoffish...
...conversation? That is absolutely one of the hardest questions. The basic structure of a conversation with a boring person is that you have to entertain yourself. They're not going to do it. Most people respond to [being asked], "Are there people whom you really just don't talk to?" It's a strange topic of conversation. But I found that it's almost foolproof. Of course, you can't just pop it on somebody. You have to introduce it in a way that is relevant and makes sense, but almost everyone responds to it. Top tens are good...
What would you say to the standard piece of advice about staying away from talk about religion and politics? I think it's better to go very gently out onto thin ice if you don't know your context. If there's a chance that you may offend, I suggest that religion and politics - religion especially these days - is an arena of conversation that should be entered very gingerly...