Word: teething
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...ORTHODONTISTS No more metal mouth, thanks to 3-D simulation programs that will crank out a series of disposable, clear-plastic "aligners" to shift your teeth into position. Already in clinical trials, this technology is geared for adults, so all you gap-toothed prepubes will have something to look forward...
...Lazio, with New York Republicans from Gov. George Pataki to former rival Rep. Peter King closing ranks behind him, went about raising his political Q rating in the usual way: He appeared on all five Sunday talk shows and flashed his New York pedigree almost as often as his teeth...
...didn't think there was any other food than greasy McDonald's hamburgers," he said, "you would put your teeth in greasy McDonald's hamburgers...
Part of the blame, of course, lies with Knight's players, who have come out in droves to support him. Here's a coach who's made a career of intimidating players, coaches and staff, who's shown up to practices with his teeth bared while the pups on the court obligingly slink back with their tails between their legs. Why would team members who've been subjected to Knight's explosions be so eager to endorse his tenure as coach? No one knows the answer, but everyone has an opinion. It may simply be too difficult to speak...
...Forrest Gump. It's more like boxing. Hanks clambers, panting, onto the command ship Aftershock, barking, "Big ones! Those were great!" Like a prizefighter, he's wrapped in a towel. He takes a few slugs of Diet Coke, has a mouthpiece popped in--actually a set of prosthetic rotten teeth--gets his scars and scabs touched up and then swings overboard again. Perhaps out of patriotism, I avert my eyes from his skimpy loincloth. I mean, that'd be like checking out Thomas Jefferson's package...