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...world is only composed of Lamont Cafe lattes and the unattractive residents of Cabot Science Library, outside the walls of Widener, there are people with lives far more interesting than your own. Forget French Presidential elections (can you say “Ennuyeux!”); FM will tell you all you need to know to stay an informed citizen. Topping the headlines this week is news of party princess Paris Hilton’s prison sentence—23 days for violating her probation. The heiress will have to do hard time at the Century Regional Detention Center...

Author: By Jamison A. Hill, CRIMSON STAFF WRITER | Title: And Now, the Real News | 5/17/2007 | See Source »

...caught stealings, none of which are baseball metaphors. So we try to only concentrate on this last year when we ruled the school with both an open door and an iron fist. But that makes us seem even more terrible, especially since we wouldn’t tell anyone about the 18-inch iron fist until they had come through our open door and we had locked it behind them...

Author: By Peter J. Martinez, CONTRIBUTING WRITER | Title: Final Bell Lap: Reflections on Harvard | 5/17/2007 | See Source »

...cigars and velvet smoking jackets aren’t allowed (in fact, they’re preferred). Every December, the Farnsworth Room declares an Earl and Duchess of Farnsworth, who are responsible for the upkeep of the room’s coffers and for all future coronation ceremonies. Just tell the bouncer you forgot your VIP pass at home. Morse Music and Media Library, Second Floor. If you find yourself in Morse, you’re either a) on your way to the men’s bathroom, or b) a super-nerd. On one side, the floor?...

Author: By Mark A. Pacult, CRIMSON STAFF WRITER | Title: Out with Park Place, in with Pusey | 5/17/2007 | See Source »

...Best or worst lie you’ve ever told: “I fenced in high school in order to get out of gym class...” I actually fenced because I thought it was AWESOME! Something you’ve always wanted to tell someone: At the end of bar mitzvah season, I won the award for grind-master dance king. Favorite childhood activity: Age 10, walking up to couples at family parties with a camera and asking them to show that they love each other. Sexiest physical trait: My pectoral muscles. I get compliments on them...

Author: By FM Staff, CRIMSON STAFF WRITER | Title: Scoped! | 5/17/2007 | See Source »

...publications left and right for reasons that ranged from dim careerism to boredom to thick, bloody hubris. The situation was demoralizing: most of what was falling into the doordrop was either shabby or sprawling, boring or depraved. One magazine had a photo spread featuring models but you could tell by their eyes that their bones were hollow.Freeze came out in time for Christmas and that was just about right. Writing on page 40, Sebastian, the editor-in-chief, proclaimed, in huge letters, “I believe in escapism.” The cover was hot pink; Annie Shawn...

Author: By Leon Neyfakh, CRIMSON STAFF WRITER | Title: What's My Age Again? | 5/17/2007 | See Source »

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