Word: ticket
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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After decades of impotent loathing, I finally found myself in a position to take action. I was gifted a $325 ticket to the new Yankee Stadium to see Satan's pinstriped nine play my beloved Baltimore Orioles. It turns out that $325 buys not just an excellent seat but access to the all-you-can-eat buffet in the superswanky Legends Suite. My plan was simple: eat enough so that at the end of the season, the accountants would say, "What happened on May 19? We lost so much on concessions that night that we can no longer afford...
...fasted all day and decided that even though I was technically in the Bronx, I'd calculate the damage in estimated Manhattan prices. Sure enough, upon entering the Legends Suite with my ludicrously expensive ticket, I was immediately met by celebrity chef April Bloomfield of fancy Manhattan gastro-pub the Spotted Pig. The whole foyer is a massive buffet with countless stations, and April served up a pork-belly sandwich that was very moist - so moist that the bread fell apart. Really, April? I washed this down with a chateaubriand cheeseburger on a puffy little brioche that was completely perfect...
...forget who was winning. It may have been the team of scrappy overachievers with nine players who make more than $13 million per year. The math I was interested in was $112. Impressive for a one-man eating band, but the Yankees were still making a killing on my ticket. Bloat was setting in, and as I stuffed three more bags of peanut M&Ms ($15) in my pockets on the way out, I felt a little depressed...
Back home, my sadness turned to joy. A quick search of online ticket sellers revealed that a Legends Suite ticket can be had for about $100 on some nights. So by a twist of logic, I had not only soaked the Yankees for $27, I had tripped on a great recession value. The New York Yankees: what a bargain...
...Winning the presidency was the ticket to at least one kind of normality. "Among the many wonderful things about being President," Barack tells TIME, "the best is that I get to live above the office and see Michelle and the kids every day. I see them in the morning. We have dinner every night. It is the thing that sustains me." The President refers to what he calls "Michelle time," when he takes a break during the day and retreats to the residence. Semiregularly, Michelle appears in the West Wing with the dog or their daughters for a brief...