Word: toasts
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Amidst all the festivities surrounding Commencement, there is a distinct temptation to let bygones be bygones, to raise a glass with my peers, and to toast Fair Harvard. I will resist that temptation. I will not celebrate a place that not only disregards, but actively demolishes, the qualities of decency and humility in the people that it educates. I will raise a glass to my small group of friends, who far better than I, have managed to navigate these past four years with their sense of philanthropy and optimism intact. Whatever good, they, or I, accomplish in the world, will...
...clear a broken bridge with their rich friend's new car. You'll visit Josh's grandmother's house and visit with his grandpa who has a perpetual hard-on (I'm not kidding). You'll even make a pitstop at a caf where the waiters put the french toast in their pants before serving it as punishment for demanding patrons...
...upset by the unpatriotic sentiment of their fellow clubbies who attacked Lincoln for his policies and ridiculed his person. Though there is no hard evidence pertaining to this great walk-out, Alexander Williams, chronicler of the Boston clubs, hypothesizes that an impolitic member may have risen and given a toast to John Wilkes Booth. As one of the founders of the Union Club would later remark, “We wanted a place where gentlemen could pass an evening without listening to Copperhead talk...
Wearing a Radcliffe insignia scarf, Amey A. De Friez '49, a former chair of the Radcliffe College Board of Trustees, then gave a toast to Wilson--playfully extending her comments and forcing the eager crowd to wait before seeing the imposing portrait standing in the corner, covered with red velvet...
...guess the school is suggesting that if you are smart enough to take part in their amazing deal, you're intelligent enough to use a microwave without starting a fire. Not only that, but proctors and other university officers are apparently viewed by the administration as responsible enough to toast a slice of bread without turning Canaday into the Towering Inferno, Part...