Word: toilets
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...pleaded, "The next time you're going to be late for dinner, please call." When John E. Graves reached his son Martin in Reston, Va., he confided, "Believe it or not, I didn't think I could, but I've discovered that I can find my way to the toilet alone...
...issue cots. Elizabeth Martinez brought her two toddlers, ages 1 and 2, to an armory in Harlem. Said she: "They were getting sick with colds and fever all the time. My little one's hands were green and frozen from the cold. The water was frozen in the toilet bowl...
...girlfriend and an absurdist's command of the bureaucratic vocabulary-"Be reminded: female officers will, according to policy, perform all in-depth searches of female suspects." Howard Hunter (James Sikking) is a SWAT man with a Patton complex; he shoots his way into liquor stores and out of toilet stalls, and warns his boss that "you wouldn't want to be accused of having a bunch of daisies where your cinch belt ought to be." Detective Mick Belker...
Stories plainly marked "Made in preoccupied New York" include Leonard Michaels' Robinson Crusoe Liebowitz, a frenetic piece of scatology turning on the inaccessibility of a toilet; Renata Adler's Brownstone, tartly amusing observations from a Manhattan building; and Woody Allen's brilliantly executed The Kugelmass Episode. In search of a love affair, an unhappily married humanities professor from City College hooks up with a magician with the power to transport people into the novel of their choice. Professor Kugelmass chooses Madame Bovary and makes repeated visits to Yonville for trysts with Emma. The miracle has side effects...
Closer to home, the problems are often more mundane-but no less thorny. Last spring a reader asked Landers if toilet paper should unroll over or under the spool. Landers said under; thousands of readers wrote in to set her straight. Sniffed one: "Obviously you do not use the expensive kind of toilet paper with decals." No column was more painful than the one that appeared on July...