Word: tonics
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...decisions to be made - seahorse or moth? Antler or penis? - before getting all hopped up on Chinese sex aids. The first: Do I really believe that eating another animal's penis is going to improve my sex life? (Plenty of people do: one of the hottest sellers is a tonic made by soaking tiger, bear and deer penises in rice wine.) A follow-up question: Even if I do, is it remotely reasonable to believe that things that simply resemble penises, such as snakes and antlers, have the same effect? And let's say I don't. (I'm suspicious...
...gold, some of it vaguely pornographic. All of the products make wide-ranging claims. East Superman Pills: "Strengthening the functional activities of the loins and knees, and the sinews and the bone as well." Strong Man Bao: "Fights recurring back aches, depression, degeneration and impotency." Chinese Dragon Tonic: "Battles impotence, lassitude, amnesia and cold pain of the waist and knees." And, finally, Sinphar Supra Softgels: "Make yourself powerful during active sex!" After a few moments I opted for the "fast-acting" Nan Shi Xin Bao spray, a local anaesthetic to prolong coitus, and the high, focused promise of the Sinphar...
...nearly enough! Alcohol is expensive, parties are lame and everyone has a paper due the next day and a resume to pad. No one has the time to enjoy the simpler pleasures in life: the rich, loamy taste of a Guinness pint, the bubbly bite of a gin and tonic, the subtle musk of a fine merlot. Put bluntly, no one has time to just chill out and have a drink...
Overall, DCA is a swank new version of the company's standard sentimental anachronism: nostalgia for an America that never was, for an innocence unclouded by pain or compromise. If that sounds too sweet, then go to an Eminem concert. But there's something tonic about this pretty, compact version of the freeway reality that's just outside the gate. The very notion of getting around California on foot may make a guest giddy. So let the "real" California suffer the brownout blues. At this splendid Disney adventure, visitors need never stop glowing...
...Steely Dan, "Two Against Nature" Nothing remotely like Becker and Fagen had come along in the 18 years since their last record, and the ease with which they got back in their uniquely alienated groove was a tonic to their contemporaries. Funky and sly, "Two" also gave glimpses of a previously untapped affinity for the human touch from the hermetic...