Word: tumak
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...seen B.C. will ever forget it. It was a ghastly, primeval Romeo and Juliet, with the Shell and Rock families replacing the houses of Montague and Capulet. Loana Shell (Raquel) and Tumak Rock (John Richardson) meet and fall agonizingly in love. Agonizingly, because he already has a mate back in the Rock family cave. Besides, every time they get together, a Tyrannosaurus rex clamps onto the scene or the families start crushing one another's noggins with clubs. After an apocalyptic earthquake, Loana stalks off with her inamorato, presumably to become The Second Mrs. Tumak...
...plot line more primitive than its subject. In a cavern, in a canyon dwells the Rock tribe, whose idea of a big time is letting a vulture carry on with grandpaw's carrion. Lowbrow-beaten by his father, and pushed off a cliff by a dribbling sibling, young Tumak (John Richardson) rebels and goes into the caveman business for himself. Eventually, he stumbles across the Shell people, a group in a more advanced state of civilization, as evidenced by their stone-headed spears and the pneumatic uplift of Raquel Welch's deerskin halter...
Such Eyes! There is only one flaw in Raquel's career so far: no one has seen her movies. She made Fantastic Voyage, playing a nurse who journeys through a man's bloodstream, and One Million B.C., in which she had but two words, "Tumak" and "Akita," but got to wear a doeskin bikini. Those films have not yet been released. But the bikini brought her to the attention of foreign moviemakers, who promptly cast her in seven major pictures, all of which still have to see the light of day. She is now winding up work...
...grisly Rock People are scarcely less gluttonous. In one spirited set-to over supper, Tumak, the picture's Tarzan-like hero (Victor Mature), is heaved off a cliff by Angry Volcano, his father (Lon Chancy Jr.). Five minutes later he is heaved off another cliff by a mammoth. Amid assorted saurians Tumak floats safely down to the country of the Shell People, who are soft-living sybarites about 1,001,940 years ahead of their time. Even a cave man can see that Shining Star, their blonde leading lady (Carole Landis), is a Hollywood babe in a deerskin playsuit...
Modern audiences should not be surprised when Tumak carries off Cinemactress Landis to civilize his own family. She is making fair headway when an erupting volcano, a river of molten lava, an earthquake and a siege by the biggest lizard of all unexpectedly further Progress by merging the Shell and Rock tribes...
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