Word: udders
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...surprising extent, Western aid appears to be buying resentment. One placard waved by demonstrators in Moscow pictured Yeltsin fatuously caressing a cow labeled RUSSIAN FREEDOM, while an evil-looking Uncle Sam milked dollars from the cow's udder. Russians are irritated that so much Western help seemed to be promised and so little appears to have been delivered. And some are suspicious that foreigners are out to swindle them; they resist making their once powerful country look like a Western clone...
...barns are lined with small, hay-filled, putrid-smelling stalls with "meuh"-ing cows. Inside a big auditorium, the farmers judge the bovine beasts on muscle tone and udder size. Outside, the opportunists hawk cheap jewelry and miracle carpet cleaner from makeshift booths. Kids get sick from the rollercoaster ride whizzing in circles and blasting loud rock music. It's dirty and confusing. And nobody speaks English for any tourist's benefit...
...leaves on trees. Monuments are scrubbed with Yugoslav shampoo, and telephone lines cut by the Germans in World War II are at last repaired. Since Gorbachev was once party secretary responsible for agriculture, a committee of scientific experts is convened to consider "How many nipples on a cow's udder?" The answer: "It appears that there are four, although the cow was given a plan for five." Hard-to-get consumer goods arrive in shops overnight, goods that "we thought were entered in the Red Book," a Soviet compendium of rare and extinct plant and animal species...
...there, although there are some mild homages to it in his later work: the purposeful, bland, geometric rotundity of skirts and cows' backsides bears some likeness to the derivations from Léger one sees in the English vorticist William Roberts. His addiction was to the consoling udder, not the maddening verre d'absinthe...
...plastic-coated magnets, clamps for fastening them to the fuel line, and directions for the rumble-fingered. Price: $16 to $19.90. Goiri has been contacted by some automotive-parts distributors, who are eager to test the apparatus. But the cows are reported to suspect that the whole idea is udder nonsense...