Word: uncut
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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...TARZAN and SOUTH PARK: BIGGER LONGER & UNCUT It can be plausibly argued that there were more good cartoon features made in the U.S. this year than there were live-action films. Disney alone had Tarzan (its snazziest and most affecting feature since The Lion King), Fantasia 2000 (a rhapsody of sound and light) and, via Pixar, the deft, ingratiating Toy Story 2. And what can we say about Trey Parker's very un-Disney South Park that the film itself didn't sing in four-letter words and the cleverest original movie score in decades? Just that it's devilishly...
...competent but characterless. The selections are all abridged in one way or another, and some are mangled virtually beyond recognition. The first movement of Beethoven's Fifth Symphony, which normally takes between seven and eight minutes, here is over in less than three. The sole exception is the uncut version of The Sorcerer's Apprentice extracted from the original Fantasia, in which Leopold Stokowski hypnotized an anonymous band of Hollywood studio musicians into sounding just like the Philadelphia Orchestra in its blazingly vital prewar prime. Even the ancient paleo-stereo sound track of that sequence has a raw, visceral impact...
...largest intact bit was about three-quarters of an inch long, a good gemstone (a fossilized and then opalized shell from the Pre-Cambrian period), worth perhaps $1,500 uncut and much more when cleaned up. It was an amazing moment, and I am sure that nobody who sees it on film will believe that it was anything but a set-up. But it wasn't a set-up. In that moment I believe I came to understand something of the lunatic, persistent optimism that keeps these miners going through good times and bad. It was an epiphany...
Some people should probably skip South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, the new feature based on the Comedy Central cartoon series. A short list would include celebrities teased in the movie: the Baldwin brothers (they are killed en masse by the Royal Canadian Air Force); Conan O'Brien (he commits suicide by jumping from the GE Building); Winona Ryder (she performs an unusual exercise with Ping-Pong balls); Bill Gates (he is shot dead because Windows 98 isn't fast enough); Saddam Hussein (he has a gay affair with Satan and toys shamelessly with the Horned One's affections); Barbra Streisand...
...movie starring Stone's dancing penis; produced a news show staffed by people with Down syndrome; released Orgazmo, a movie about a Mormon porn star; starred in the flop BASEketball; argued that they should be co-presidents of Comedy Central; and refused to make South Park: Bigger, Longer and Uncut, due out on June 30, into a PG-13 film. Iggy Pop didn't have that kind of arsenal...