Word: underwear
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Even at the acme of the class structure underwear consciousness will figure prominently. Scenarios like this may become common...
...does at a moment just like this in The Maltese Falcon, Henry sends the bum sprawling into the gutter with an efficient trip. He flips up Higginbottom's coattails and, performing a maneuver familiar to most 11-year-olds as a "wedgle," pulls the elastic of his victim's underwear far into the pitiless...
This sort of vehement class consciousness is only one of the likely manifestations of designer underwear's invasion of our society. We can also expect to see the rites of courtship and seduction radically altered, as the mamba dancers of sex and class twine in ever more perverse ways. Women will use the new class markers to find themselves suitable mates and lovers. For instance, in "fast" cultural sub-groups we might expect to find men sidling up to women at bars and, instead of buying them drinks and flashing large billfolds, performing quick pirouettes followed by a hiking...
...relationship--possibly during advanced "foreplay." In those ethnic and hyper-traditional groups in which a suitor asks for a woman's hand in marriage, he might be required to bring a sampling of his under things for the parents to peruse. And, in the case of seduction, underwear will probably prove the source of considerable stress and depression. A woman who wakes to find that her paramour wears Caldor generics could experience severe self-doubt and fear of ostracism from her peer group. Psychotherapists should take note...
OTHER MANIFESTATIONS of the underwear fixation will appear in a wide variety of circumstances. We can safely predict that an inverted snobbery will develop, particularly among Ivy League and other "prestige college" students. Those students who come from affluent families and from Eastern elite private schools will shop for their under things at the very cheapest department stores in order to declare their independence from the accepted norms. Some will wear "Daddy's discards"--stretched out and sufficiently worn hand-me-down underwear. This will replace the traditional passing-on-of-the-tweed-jacket ritual. Less-wealthy students...