Word: unitard
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...Feist, where have you gone? I miss your cute fringe bangs and awkward indie-dancing. The Feist of the blue sequined unitard, the one we all know and love from the Apple commercial, has disappeared in her latest music video. “Honey Honey” is more melancholy than her previous songs, so it comes as no surprise that she decided to tone down the dancing and crank up the serious for the accompanying music video. This of course means weathered faces, long shadows, extremely slow-moving shots, and puppets. But these puppets are like the gnarled, ugly...
...Mitsubishi ad. A man’s chest glistening in a shower? Gillette. Hotel room? Ikea. But that’s why we keep on lovin’ Brit. We can buy or sell her sexuality as a memory that accompanies any shiny car or anime film or spy unitard, and feel warm and fuzzy inside for doing it. From Brit, ‘fetishized,’ ‘sexy,’ and ‘sold’ are three words that mean the same thing. And by pre-crazy Britney ideals anyway, that means we?...
...hits. You want an existential crisis? How about getting clocked across your freaking head with a steel oil-drill chain? And whereas big-network TV offers a fantasy of perfection, working-class TV offers a fantasy of authenticity. On NBC, an American Gladiator is a beefcake model in a unitard swinging his padded quarterstaff. (Read into "padded quarterstaff" whatever symbolism you like.) Cable's gladiators are paunchy guys with beards hauling ass to fell a tree or outrace a squall...
When my friend told me he could see me as a cat lady, I was flattered. Sexy black unitard, kitten ears, reflexes of a feline. Who wouldn’t be? He shook his head.“No, not Catwoman,” he clarified, “Cat lady. You know, one of those women who never gets married but sits around all day in an apartment with lots of books and 35 cats.”Oh. So no unitard?“No,” he said, “No unitard...
...even when there aren't a few million people watching. On top of that, one of the cartoons actually checked his watch during the performance, mimicking the few remaining viewers. When Madonna finally did rise up from a hole in the stage, she was wearing Mary Lou Retton's unitard (and perhaps her thighs, as well; those things are massive) and her vocals were off key. When the announcer said, "And that was just the first of 26 animated performances," it seemed menacing...