Word: vanness
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Dates: during 2000-2009
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...van with fresh eyes. It's no longer just a sun-bleached hulk with the rear wiper snapped off. It's a wiperless hulk worth thousands. If this is socialism, call me comrade...
...this news was shock. Sometime after I backed into a stump, but definitely before I clipped the neighbor's garage-actually it was around the time the babysitter somehow creased a perfect inch-deep furrow along the entire passenger side, headlight to brake light-I stopped thinking of the van as having any monetary value whatsoever. I resolved to drive it for at least 10 years, or until I developed a capacity for shame, whichever came first. At which point I would pay someone to take it off my hands...
...Within a few clicks, I determined that our current van averages 16 miles per gallon in the city and 23 mpg highway, which somehow averages out, according to the government, to 18 mpg. That's right on the cut-off for the program, but let's say they vote me in. Given our relatively light usage - around 8,000 miles per year - this translates to about 5.4 tons of CO2 emissions and 10.1 barrels of oil consumed each year. Could be worse, though in the category called "air pollution" the old van rates a pitiful 1 on a scale...
...Apparently, they're back on track. According to the Edmunds.com review, the new model of Chrysler's top van is "a bona-fide contender for the Best-in-Class sash." Which sounds good - but would the sash count under "receivables" in bankruptcy court? The 4-liter T & C is virtually identical to the Odyssey in fuel efficiency and emissions, which means I could pick up $3,500 for buying one. (See the most important cars of all time...
...fuel intake. But that's an easy search on this website. In a matter of seconds I discovered the Mazda 5 minivan, with manual transmission, which averages 24 miles per gallon, spews just 4.1 tons of carbon and sips a mere 7.6 barrels per year. It's a van that a guy could proudly drive to a lunch with Al Gore and the Dalai Lama, with just one downside: evidently we would have to grease the kids before squishing them into the tiny backseat...