Word: vapir
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...wait, there’s more! The Vapir is also armed with a purple laser light, which in Vapir-brochure-hyperbolic-speak is elegantly termed the “Herbal Illuminative Photon Ejector,” so that the user can see the essence of plant before becoming one with it. The on-panel digital display also features a handy alarm to alert you when digital aromatherapy session should end and your post-digital-aromatherapy-session snack should begin. Future models of the Vapir even promise a USB port so that the device can interface with the Internet or your...
...least of all, the Vapir comes with its own instructional DVD, which sets new standards for general education in its attempt to communicate the basic functions of this home appliance. The DVD, which takes the form of a fictional narrative, follows the basic plot line of the movie The Matrix, with the oddly Laurence Fishburne-like character of “Orpheum” dispensing the mystical wisdom of the Vapir to a youthful “Blaze” Scott Evans, a character that not only recreates but redoubles Keanu Reeves’ trademarked lack-brained helplessness. It?...
While the Vapir may be a venerable technology, don’t put out that (bayberry bush) blunt too quickly. There’s more than one reason why grandma has smoked three packs of Menthols every day since she was 10—the customs and rituals of smoking possess an allure than cannot be easily overlooked...
Moreover, guilt-free inhalation doesn’t come cheap. At $300 for a corded model and $400 for the battery-rechargeable unit, the Vapir seems a rich man’s toy even when one accounts for the free single-strapped Vapir tote bag and the font of wisdom that is the Vapir users’ manual, which alone is likely worth upwards of $100. Here’s but one golden nugget from the manual: “Many enjoy vaporizing with dimmed lights and a favorite CD...we suggest the Vapir World Beat...
...With the Vapir or without it, friends, continue to herbalize and fight the conforming will of the Man. With the Vapir, however, and its more health-conscious smoking technology, you might also be able to take the good fight to the Woman as well. Yes, Mother Nature, that humorless smoke-hating harpy...