Word: velluccis
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...middle-aged Lampoon graduates take time off from their jobs as writers for "Babes" and "Rick Dees' Into the Night" to drink grain alcohol and force new recruits to "assume the position"--'Poonsters poisoned the soil in front of their "Castle," an architectural atrocity former Cambridge Mayor Alfred E. Vellucci has rightfully dubbed a "public urinal." The defouled dirt was inteded to hold the seedlings for Freedom Tree II, an innocent flora-to-be nipped in the bud by the pathetic pranksters on Mount Auburn...
...Vellucci has convinced the city to place a steel sheet around the base of the Freedom Tree II to stave off the vicious vandals. But if Cambridge really wants to protect this blossom of beauty from its pernicious persecutors, it needs to go further...
...poonies got mad at 'Yale' so I changed it to Freedom Square in honor of people working for their freedom in America," says Vellucci...
...Vellucci predicts, however, that there may still be trouble to come. "The Lampoon has hired lawyers. They sent word out that they would make kindling...
...tree will be planted on Friday at a ceremony to be attended by Vellucci, Mayor Alice K. Wolf and a troop of boy scouts. And just in case, Vellucci says, the city will be placing a six-foot steel sheet around the base of the tree to protect it from future vandals...