Word: waiter
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...dash of vodka. Every night, for the past 20 years, mature adults have gathered to suck on three-foot straws as if those straws were their mothers' teats. Indeed, since the first Bowl was laid down in the center of a table by a disgruntled non-English-speaking waiter, men and women have found themselves inexplicably drawn to the Scorpion's sweet ambrosia. Paul modestly tries to explain the phenomenon: "The Scorpion Bowl is our signature drink. But every Chinese restaurant in America has a Scorpion Bowl on the menu. For some reason, we just made it popular...
...Perhaps after a few years, the whole thing would blow over. I could get a job where the boss didn't suspiciously glare at me if I commented about how much I hate neon-colored paper. I could eat in the smoking section of a restaurant without having a waiter usher me out, saying, "I'm sorry, ma'am, but we've been instructed to never let you light an open flame in this establishment." My mother would start talking to me again. I could become successful, maybe even famous. But even if I won the Pulitzer Prize, I would...
...Make sure the flue is open. Go to Cafe India on Brattle Street. In the foyer, inconspicuously remove a pack of matches from the bin, without entering the restaurant. Hah! You got them. If waiter sees you, sprint out of restaurant, yelling, "they're after me, they're after me!" Return to dorm room. Light a match and light newspaper in several places. Watch your fire burn! (Matches available at Christie's for free...
...beginning to feel "burned" by hearing the movie repeatedly called Stoppardian. He says, "In terms of the story, structure and the language--I accomplished that in my screenplay." But both men confirm that many of the jokes that dazzle past--the Stratford-upon-Avon mug; the pub waiter offering a special of "pig's foot marinated in juniper vinegar served on a buckwheat pancake"--are indeed Stoppard...
Finally the first rodizio waiter came to our table, offering a skewer of beef. It's described on the menu as "Top Butt Sirloin--Chef Exclusive grade!" in fact. Um, how appetizing. Certainly better than a mediocre cut of butt, I suppose. However, the beef was disappointingly dry and fairly bland. Barbecuing usually gives meats a rich smoky flavor, but this was sadly not the case here. Still, the quality was not consistent across meat lines. The barbecued lamb and pork did have more flavor. And standout was the linguica sausage, which distinguished itself as the best of the skewers...