Word: welk
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...Berry Farm, lies "Religionland." Or so detractors of Television Evangelist Robert Schuller, 56, have dubbed his $18 million headquarters. 'For the past two years, the "Crystal Cathedral" has been offering such secular, profit-making fare as weight-reduction classes and counseling programs, plus concerts by Lawrence Welk and Victor Borge. State tax authorities would now like to pass their collection plate. "They even had a Ticketron there," says a local tax investigator. "The first time I saw it, I thought: 'You mean you have to buy a ticket to go to church?' " Schuller's cathedral...
...record shop will prove. The latest single by the Chipmunks. "(All I Want For Christmas) Is My Two Front Teeth" (Mistletoe Records) should be on the top of everyone's gift list. Inexplicably buried in a compilation called The Best of Christmas along with some drab tunes by Lawrence Welk and Liberace, this recording finds lead vocalist Alvin Chipmunk in fine form Alvin's singing has gained in assurance over the years and his soulful yet understated crooning superbly conveys the emotion of his quest for new incisors...
...police were tipped off by an elderly woman resident of the trailer park, who hinted that more than just Lawrence Welk music was being played in the community room. The raiders netted a whopping $13.60 and cited the highrollers on charges that could have won each six months in the slammer and a $500 fine. The folks at Caesars Tahoe casino in Lake Tahoe, Nev., decided to lend the boys a hand. A bus stocked with food and drink and staffed by a cocktail waitress brought them to the Nevada casino, where they were handed a few bucks each...
Cross the wild and crazy humor of Steve Martin with the well-calculated mania of Carl Reiner and what do you get? A hyper hybrid movie called The Jerk. About a weirdo white raised by a poor black Southern family, who;hearing his first Lawrence Welk record, hits the road north to find his own kind of music. "All they played when I was a kid," explains Martin, a.k.a. the Jerk, "was blues." Martin mints a fortune by inventing nonslip eyeglasses, loses it when Reiner, in a walk-on as an irate consumer, brings a successful suit in behalf...
...routine. What is needed is some sort of theatricality-if not the forthright vulgarity of DeMille, then at least the romanticism of David Lean. With its incongruous mix of radical content and stodgy style, Remarkable Men is as doomed as an artistic collaboration between Werner Erhard and Lawrence Welk.-Frank Rich