Word: wheats
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THIS BUSINESS OF DERIVATIVES CAN BE TRACED BACK TO CHIcago, the old hog butcher for the world and stacker of wheat. Chicago learned it could make an easier living by selling pretend wheat and pretend hogs in the pits of the commodities exchanges. These imaginary creatures are called "futures." The point was you could buy a hog future and turn a nice profit before the real hog ever showed up. Or, if you were Hillary Rodham Clinton, you could make 100 times your money on cattle futures without ever having to put up with...
...cartels and kingpins and Crips and Bloods. These are the principal beneficiaries of drug prohibition; without it they'd be reduced to three-card monte and numbers scams. Legitimate entrepreneurs must sigh and shake their heads in envy: if only the government would ban some substance like Wheat Chex, for example, so it could be marketed for hundreds of dollars an ounce...
Rarities exist among cereal brands as well. Adams House, always the trendsetter, deserves kudos from the health-conscious for its Shredded Wheat and Frosted Mini-Wheats, although most other houses receive daily supplies of Shredded Wheat Spoon Size...
...California Pizza Kitchen restaurant on Eliot St. If you've been there, you know that this isn't your ordinary pizza parlor. The toppings are unreal (Thai chicken? Shrimp scampi? Peking duck?). There's no tomato sauce. The dough is almost weightless, and you can get it in honey wheat. As we were eating, one of my friends, a local, uncorked a typical anti-California one-liner: "This pizza reminds me a lot of California: light and airy...
...Dionysus can't believe what he is hearing. "Look, I'm the god of wine, okay? I'm not the god of iced tea. I am the god of revelry, a crucial element of the fertility process. The dancing and drinking and whooping and wahooing is what makes the wheat grow, babes. That's what gives us the corn crop...