Word: worded
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Dates: during 1990-1999
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Sterile and deafeningly quiet, the Science Center terminal rooms offer everything from ancient Macs that still require a paper clip to extract your floppy disk, to the Digital Alpha workstations with their gargantuan monitors. A word to the wise: don't check your e-mail on these mothers the night before CS51 assignments are due. Office isn't installed on those bad boys anyway. Stroll on over to the back of the lab, and try to find a computer that isn't either occupied or "logging out." If you're lucky, you might get to actually enter your username...
...Corel WordPerfect Suite--it will convert your files from Word format, but the learning curve for new software is not trivial. Plus there's probably a reason why no one's used it since pre-Windows...
Break out the college-ruled notebook paper and a number two pencil. Try to emulate twelve point Times New Roman. Bold, italic, cut and paste...all the functionality of a real word processor. You can even buy a supply of paper clips to talk to when you need help. Can't find a pencil sharpener? Jab yourself with a sharp stick and write that Sophomore essay in your own blood. Looks like Microsoft is going to bleed you dry eventually anyway...
...static on my phone line is not generated by electronic interference, but by my own communication difficulties. I fully embrace the prolonged ellipsis, the parenthetical "you-know-what-I-mean" and the awkward pause. Rather than punctuate my fragmented sentences, I let them trail off into my preferred word of closure: "whatever." To the well-trained listener the frequent "like"s that corrupt my language keep an expert tempo--to the rest, I babble...
...suppose it makes sense that I am not a writer but a designer, articulating myself each week without saying a word. This is my letter of introduction--byline and all. I hope, for once, that the transmission has been static-free...