Word: wrestlers
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Enter Road Dogg, a rather chubby but enthusiastic wrestler with a few missing teeth. He prances towards the ring, and, at the top of his lungs, shouts something loud and incomprehensible, but I'm sure very manly. I can only understand every fifth word he yells, but the pure volume of his five-minute-long rant pumps me up for his forthcoming match. His opponent is Chris Jericho, a leaner, and certainly less crude wrestler. I know the Dogg will win this one. He does. Not a spectacular fight, but you can't expect too much from the first match...
...Asian tagteam, run to the ring, waving a Japanese flag. They are instantly booed. Their opponents, who I do not recognize, enter the ring, receiving deafening shouts of praise. Not knowing which team to root for, I sit back and watch the spectacle. It's no contest. As Wrestler One mercilessly and repeatedly throws his fist into Taka's face and stomach, Wrestler Two stretches the corners of his eyes with his index fingers to form a "slanty-eyes" face, and skips around the ring...
Kurt Angle, a 1996 Olympic gold medalist (Who says professional wrestlers have no talent?), and his partner face the Dudley Boyz, Buh Buh Ray and D-von, next. The Boyz, using many complex moves that target their opponent's groin, beat Angle and partner, demonstrating (almost unnecessarily) the superiority of pro-wrestling over that other two-points-for-a-takedown crap. Gleeful, I tell Christina that Kurt Angle was an Olympic champion. She's doubtful, and certainly not impressed. Another invigorating fight matches The Godfather, wrestler and part-time pimp, against some no-name pretty boy. Smoothness personified, The Godfather...
...Donnell turned in a terrific performance at 197-pounds facing No. 19 Mike Fickell. O'Donnell not only came close to beating this nationally-ranked wrestler, but he did so weighing in at 178 pounds...
Mosley, ranked No. 4 in the 174-pound weight class, was set to square off against Penn's other star wrestler, No. 2 Rick Springman. However, Mosley suffered a knee injury early on in the match, which eventually forced him to forfeit early in the third period. The team is unsure of whether Mosley will return to action next weekend...