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...breakfast. Strike the gong. Escape as sleep-addled Adamsians struggle to apprehend you. 4) Go to lunch. Strike the gong. Accuse a nearby resident. 5) Switch the placards in the Adams tunnels, forever stranding residents in the labyrinth under Plympton Street. 6) Threaten to call a dean if you??re not swiped in. This will confuse them and prevent them from calling a dean on you. 7) Whitewash the murals in the tunnels. Without a steady supply of morbid verse and pornographic popular art, Adamsians will quickly wither and die. 8) Find the rumored Adams wine cellar. Empty...

Author: By Jeremy D. Hoon, CONTRIBUTING WRITER | Title: 15 Ways to Get Back at Adams House for Being Stingy-Ass Bitches | 2/28/2007 | See Source »

...have to be from “the golden ghetto”...The Women’s Leadership Network is hosting *m e d i u m*, a two part event featuring performance showcase and gallery showing of visual art. We’re not fooled--we know you??re all going into i-Banking...

Author: NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED | Title: Chatter | 2/28/2007 | See Source »

...It’s free?” asks a student, hovering at the register. “You??re all right,” replies Dorothy E. “Dottie” Melin, supervisor at the café in the Barker Center rotunda. “A lot of them aren’t too sure—they think they’re stealing the coffee,” she explains. As humanities concentrators have known for ages, you can get free Starbucks every weekday morning in the Barker Center (what—you?...

Author: By Emily C. Graff, CONTRIBUTING WRITER | Title: Free Coffee Hours to Coffee-Free Hours | 2/28/2007 | See Source »

...people’s. Dear Me, Yo dude, what’s the deal? Get your shit together. You spend too much time playing video games. Try to do a little work every night and you won’t find yourself pulling as many all-nighters. Ha ha, you??re not nineteen forever... Sincerely, Joe Nineteen Pitbull: Date me? To girls who share hallway bathrooms, Do you have maids at home? Clean up after your gross selves...

Author: NO WRITER ATTRIBUTED | Title: Holler! | 2/28/2007 | See Source »

...interesting aspect of the online Wayne Palmer resume, however, is the implication that Palmer, despite being a decorated collegiate pitcher coming out of a major conference in the Pac 10, had no professional career, instead joining the Marines and afterwards continuing his education at Yale Law School. (In case you??re wondering, Wayne isn’t the only one with Ivy League ties. Bill Buchanan has a degree in English from Brown—doesn’t strike me as the type—and Karen Hayes went to Princeton...

Author: By Jonathan Lehman, CRIMSON STAFF WRITER | Title: IN LEHMAN'S TERMS: Prez. Palmer: I'm a Baller | 2/27/2007 | See Source »

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