Word: ziploc
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Personally, I'm for both feminism and nonviolence. I admire the male body and prefer to find the penis attached to it rather than having to root around in vacant lots with Ziploc bag in hand. But I'm not willing to wait another decade or two for gender peace to prevail. And if a fellow insists on using his penis as a weapon, I say that, one way or another, he ought to be swiftly disarmed...
Johnny Carson and Ted Koppel have gone to bed and so has the Ziploc talking finger. But late night is when TV's hucksters really get humming. Amazing baldness cures and miracle weight-loss plans. Kitchen tools and anticellulite treatments. Self-help courses and get-rich-quick schemes. Stick around: you'll learn all about Citrus Miracle, a spray cleaner made from "100% natural oranges," able to wipe out everything from oven grease to carpet stains. Or share a few teary minutes with Richard Simmons as he travels the country getting testimonials from converts to his Deal-a-Meal diet...
...Time-Life Music currently runs pitches for collections of hits from the Big Band era and the rock-'n'-roll years.) They will never supplant The Simpsons or Entertainment Tonight, but in fringe time periods, infomercials could become Madison Avenue's next hot format. Half an hour with the Ziploc finger: now that would be amazing...
...order to aid these kids, Planned Parenthood of New York founded Project Street Beat, a neighborhood organization that trolls the Bronx, visiting the places where teenage prostitutes gather. It offers free medical treatment and counseling, hands out sandwiches, clean clothes, "bleach kits" for sterilizing needles, and "dignity packs": Ziploc toilet kits containing a toothbrush, toothpaste, a comb, soap, a towelette, condoms, tampons and sanitary napkins. Sometimes the workers drive the kids to a local McDonald's for a snack and a chance to talk...
...hitches around to look back at his companion, Jeanette, who sits on the bed doing something with stacks of tiny Ziploc bags. "Wasn't that '81, hon?" Taking a mumble for confirmation, Big John peers beyond the cat stretched out in the sunlight on the dashboard. "There are 150 narcs running around out there, and everybody is in a stampede to roll over. Everybody and his brother is distributing Product, and it's getting to be a dog-eat-dog world." His face assumes a mournful set: "I've been ripped off by my friends big time; they get down...